I want God to act through me – conversation with anMari, a star of Christian music, composer, multi-instrumentalist, vocalist, and producer
You perform both in churches and in stadiums – do you prefer singing for a small, intimate audience or a very large one?
When I sing, I don’t think about how many people there are. I focus only on praising God through music. It is wonderful to have crowds in front of me and sing for them, but what matters to me is even that one single person whose heart my music reaches. If it helps someone come closer to God – that is the greatest reward. For me, worship always and everywhere is the same – giving glory to the Lord God.
On August 15 you will share your music at Ergo Arena in Gdańsk during the festival “The Simple Path to God – Be Like Saint Maximilian.” Why did you decide to take part in this event?
I was happy to receive an invitation to this interesting event with a diverse program. It was also important to me that Saint Maximilian Maria Kolbe is my patron and a saint who is very close to me. I was born on August 14, on the day of the liturgical memorial of St. Maximilian, which is also the day of his martyrdom in Auschwitz.
At what point in your life did you realize that St. Maximilian was important to you?
My parents always often spoke to me about St. Maximilian, especially my mother, who kept saying I had a great patron. St. Maximilian became even closer to me when I was in high school or at university. A few years ago I began to learn about his history, get to know him more deeply, read more about him. I was amazed by his boundless love for another human being. I am also very close to his Marian spirituality and his motto: “To conquer the whole world for Christ through the Immaculate Virgin.”
You said that Marian spirituality is important to you. What role does the Mother of God play in your life?
I have entrusted myself to the Immaculate Heart of Mary. I did it for the first time six years ago. And I try to do it regularly – I renew this act every year. I feel that Mary leads me through life. I always give her my music, all my worship concerts, because I feel that God strongly calls me to this kind of ministry. The Mother of God is very close to me.
Now let’s talk a bit about your path to where you are now. How did it happen that as a little girl you dreamed of becoming a pop singer, and now you create music for the glory of God?
A very important role was played by my conversion. I experienced it when I was 20 years old. And when, two years ago, I stood before the choice of whether to connect my life with commercial music or to create music for the glory of God, I chose the latter. I then understood that I could not deny my faith and that I wanted to proclaim God’s love through the music I create and then perform. I am not signed to any record label; independence is important to me, which allows me to compose and sing what I truly feel. No one restricts me in anything and nothing is imposed on me.
You grew up in a Catholic family, yet at the end of high school you moved away from God. Can you explain why that happened?
I think many people who grow up in Catholic families experience this kind of automatic faith, because there is no personal relationship with God. It was similar for me. And at a certain point in my life, in high school, I began searching for love, unfortunately in places where I could not find it. I was searching for approval and acceptance in the eyes of other people, and I became very lost at that time, I went to a lot of parties. I thought that God was somewhere far away. Now I know that He was very close to me all the time.
Everything changed in London when you went there to study…
Yes, it was during the pandemic. It helped me that I lived in a Catholic dormitory in London, where I met wonderful people who lived in prayer and were close to God. I decided that I no longer wanted to live in emptiness and sadness. I decided to make an effort to rediscover God and to gain the feeling that life in ordinary everyday reality, close to Him, is truly beautiful.
You emphasize that your conversion was not a moment, but a journey – a process that lasted a year.
Exactly. I think it is His grace that I had the strength to seek Him, pray, and read the Holy Scripture. But I always say that this is available to everyone, because God waits for every person.
At that time I felt a strong desire to change something so that I could wake up the next morning and be happy. To achieve that, you need to work on yourself as a person, but also on spiritual development. A big role for me was played by entrusting myself to the Immaculate Heart of Mary, which I mentioned earlier. Now, looking back, I see how Mary acted and led me to Jesus. It was a kind of struggle in everyday life, giving everything to God every morning, which required a certain spiritual discipline.
In London you won a prestigious competition organized by Matthew Knowles, Beyoncé’s father and former manager. That could have opened the way to an international career, but you gave it up.
It was hard for me to believe that I had won that competition by performing religious songs – “Sunshine” and “Heart of Stone.” “I am here, Lord, with my heart of stone” – I sang. I thought I had fewer chances than the other participants because of that. And yet they chose me. At that time I still had a slightly different vision of my future – I wanted to create diverse music – both pop and Christian. And Beyoncé’s father made me realize that I had to choose. He said that either I would play niche music in churches and religious events, or pop music on big stages for people to get drunk. That strong statement helped me make my decision. Beyoncé’s father was shocked by my choice, but he respected it. I remember that at the end of the conversation he said to me: “Okay, be a Christian artist, but be the best!” I took that to heart, because music for the glory of the Lord must be of the highest quality. My decision may seem crazy, because Matthew Knowles had already started promoting me on radio and television, and such an opportunity does not happen every day… But I already had a strong relationship with God and I knew that faith was the most important thing for me, so I could not seek compromises. I could not imagine any other path.
Was the path you chose easy?
No, it was not easy or colorful, I struggled with difficulties. At first I decided that I would post very clear content about God on social media. I did that, and the number of followers started to decrease. Some people advised me to be more neutral – I started wondering again whether I should mix these two dimensions, but I did not give in. This internal struggle lasted several months, but I was held by the conviction that I should be myself and speak about Jesus regardless of how others reacted. It was also a time of purification; today I know it was very necessary for me. Because no matter what happens – God rewards faithfulness. If we know we are doing something good and in accordance with ourselves, then we should remain faithful, even if the results do not come quickly and are not what we expect. God rewarded my perseverance. For many months I published songs I had composed for His glory. And finally, when I recorded “Give Me Your Heart,” something changed. More and more people started listening to me. I began performing concerts… And God fulfilled my childhood dreams, but in the way He wanted, not the way I had imagined.
God fulfilled even the most daring dreams – recently you recorded an album you dreamed of, and it was done in the legendary Abbey Road Studios in London, where global stars backed by major labels record…
I don’t have a big record label, but I have faith in a great God. That is true, praise the Lord. My dream was to record and release an album – my album “Droga” (“The Way”) will be released in May. My dream was to perform concerts – that is what I do every day now. All of this happens by God’s grace; I am fully aware of it.
What others would call a career, you call a mission to spread the love and beauty of a Good God. You sing about God who is very close, a friend, a good Father. You even call Him a romantic…
By singing that God is a romantic, I wanted to show that He created sunsets and all this beauty for each of us, because He loves us very much. I want my songs to help people believe that God is good because He is loving. I experience such a God, and I would like others to experience it as well.
You compose music and write lyrics yourself. Where do you draw inspiration for your songs from?
I draw inspiration from personal experience and from prayer, also silent prayer, which I really like, although it is not always easy. Because in silence you must stand in truth before yourself and God. I love meditation – I do not speak much and I allow God to love me and I listen to Him. These songs also come from the understanding that certain things in my life had to happen, including difficult ones. They brought fruit. And in all of this, in my faithfulness, God later blessed me abundantly. That is why I sing that He is always good, even though sometimes not everything in life goes the way we want.
You also sing about someone who got lost, fell, but desires to return to God…
I try to write music that many people can relate to and find their own experiences in. I think it is important to openly say that faith is not easy. Sometimes difficulties and obstacles come, and it is precisely then, in despair, that we seek help from God. I believe that is beautiful. The most important thing is to be authentic and to call out to God if we need Him. It is a great mystery to me that I create a song and someone finds themselves in it.
Do you receive signals that your music helps people and leads them to God?
Absolutely. God brings beautiful fruits of my mission. I receive many messages saying that the music helps people very much, even leads them onto the path of faith. Sometimes non-believers write that they listen because there is beauty in it. I assume that God is beauty, and that beauty always attracts.
I believe the role of an artist in the Church is important, because we can attract people outside it through beauty, which is God. I thank Him for these fruits, because it is not my merit – I am only an instrument through which God works. I hope I allow Him to act through me.
Interview with anMari by Kinga Chlebicka
The organizers of the festival are the Film Foundation 12 Stars and EWTN television – a global Catholic media network present on all continents. Details about the festival are available on drogadoboga.com, buy a ticket-donation to attend the festival and directly support the film about St. Maximilian Kolbe. “The Simple Path to God” will take place on Saturday, August 15 at 16:30 in Ergo Arena Gdańsk–Sopot. We invite you!
